The Last 2 months

I have not blogged for 2 months. I have been so busy with work but I wanted to do a quick update of what we have been doing. Even though I had a busy few months of work Bryan had family medicine rotation in October and had a lot of time off.  It was so fun having him to myself again.  

First weekend was Disney World. We did not take one picture!  Pathetic. But it was a blast as usual. We are already planning our next trip. 

We bought a new car!! My car was getting old and starting to have problems. So we traded it in and I got a 2011 Volkswagen Tiguan. Its fully loaded with Navigation, AWD, bluetooth, IPod dock, sunroof, leather, heated seats and so on. I feel very spoiled and hot in it! 

Alisha, Logan, Lauren and Alora came into town. We spent the days at the beach and eating good food. We dropped Logan's family off at Sanibel Island and got to spend the day there. Its a beautiful island.  That night Alisha and I went to Naples. She wanted to see the town. Its my favorite city in Florida and love going there.  The next day we drove down to Miami and went to Shake Shack. DELICIOUS. 

I cried when my sister left. It was so fun having here in town. It makes me want to live near family so bad.  

Emotional Roller coaster

This post is probably too personal but why is that not surprising! I can't keep anything a secret...

In May, Bryan and I decided to stop taking birth control. I was having some complications on it and my risk for breast cancer were increasing and we thought well why not start trying for a child. We said that half jokingly. Well one month later I took a pregnancy test just for fun and it came back positive. I was hyperventilating and crying. I know this sounds horrible but the first thought was my life is over. Bryan was thrilled. I could not believe it. I was like no way, how is this possible. After taking 10 test I was finally convinced. 

When I went home to New Jersey my family asked me if I was pregnant yet and I was like yes. They were all so excited and started crying and it made me excited to have a kid.  When I flew home to Florida I had my first doctor's appointment. We did an ultrasound and the Dr said there was no heart beat and the baby was measuring small. He said he was concerned and would do another ultrasound in 1 week. Then, he gave me the speech about a miscarriage and I started to cry. Bryan was at work and his phone died so I instantly called my mom and sister. I could not hold it in. I knew I was going to miscarry and every time I thought about it I would cry. I went home crawled into bed and cried all day. Bryan joined me shortly later and just cried as well.

That week was the longest week of my life. I started to bleed really bad and have horrible cramps and I knew what was going on. The worst part- I was at work and my patients kept yelling at me and I had to try so hard not to loose it. 

Finally 1 week later, Bryan and I went to my ultrasound and again there was no heart beat and the size of the baby did not grow.  The doctor said the baby passed away around 5 weeks and it was not my fault. It was nature's way of things. I knew that to be true but it was so hard not to think I ate something, had too much stress or should of not had those horrible thoughts of my life is over!  

The doctor gave me some medications to help my uterus contract. Let me tell you, it was the WORSE pain of my life. I felt like I had a glimpse of labor contractions. I was in bed for 3 days, drugged up on pain pills with a very loving and compassionate husband to comfort me.  The hardest part of it all was knowing that I just flushed my child down the toilet.  

I know one day I am going to look back on this experience and think it was all for the best and everything worked out in the end. BUT right now I am mad and mostly sad. There is song by Maroon 5 called SAD and he says, "I am scared to death that there may not be another one like this."  I constantly think that.  

Its been 1 week since I lost the baby and I can finally talk about it without crying. These last 3 weeks have been the worse emotional roller-coaster of my life. One minute I would have hope for my baby and the next minute reality would set in and I would cry. I decided women are the strongest people I know.  Bryan and I decided our little baby was a boy and we named him peanut.  

The only good thing about this experience was Bryan said I needed some retail therapy and bought me a beautiful purse-which I will be honest did make me much happier. 

California

Once we got home from Puerto Rico the next day I went to work and Bryan flew to California. Eric, Bryan's brother was coming home from his Mission and the family was getting together. I worked my 3 days and flew in on Thursday. 

Friday the family went to Sea World. It was a blast. They have fun rides there now. 

 Saturday we had a baby blessing for Quentin Scott. Family drove in from all over. We had delicious tacos afterwards.  That night Bryan and I met up with my friend from college and her new husband. It was fun to catch up.  The rest of the time was well spent relaxing, hanging out and being together as a family.

With Chandler and Jen Call. 

I wanted to take family photos while we were there so here is a few that we took. It is also proof to my family that I do where my hair down sometimes! 

Puerto Rico

Bryan took his step 1 boards exam on June 12 and did not start school again until July 1. We thought a long over due vacations was needed and went to Puerto Rico. It was beautiful, relaxing and fun. I could tell Bryan was truly relaxed because he was his old self again. Gone was the stress and tiredness.  We were there Wednesday to Sunday and every day was packed full of fun. 


Wednesday flew in, picked up our ghetto car, checked in and went straight to the beach. 

Thursday we relaxed all day at the pool and beach reading books and sipping on Pina Coladas.  That night we went to Fajardo and did the Bioluminescent bay. Its where algae glow in the water. It was amazing and beautiful. I took pics with a water camera and can't put them up. It looked like a scene from Avatar where the water glows. 

Friday we woke up super early and went to Isle de Culebra, where Flamenco Beach is located. Flamenco beach was voted 2nd most beautiful beach in the world. It had the bluest water I have ever seen and the sand was so white and fine. It did not stick to you at all.

Saturday was our last full day in Puerto Rico and we went ALL OUT!! We had a fancy breakfast in the morning, rented a cabana for the day and at night we got a couples hot stone massage. We ended the night with a fancy Italian dinner. We spent every last penny we had but it was so worth it. 

Sunday we woke up and said good bye Puerto Rico but we will be back! 

Miami Zoo

Florida has this awesome deal for the summer. For 50$ you get unlimited access to the Miami zoo, Miami Sea Aquarium, Children's Museum, and the Lion Country Safari. A couple of my friends and I decided to get it and have a fun summer while our husbands are busy!


Our first trio was to the Miami Zoo. Mckenzie and I went with her two darling kids, Mckay and Quinn. It was the perfect day, overcast and not too hot. Again, not very good at taking pictures but I got a few of us with the giraffes. 

Alora Rae

Logan and Lauren came to visit and we finally met Alora Rae! She is so cute. She loves being held and we cuddled the whole time. I also loved watching Bryan hold her. It made me excited to have our kids one day.  Bryan would wrap her in the blanket and watch her while we all got ready for dinner. We were not very good at taking pictures only have one from Bryan's phone.

Accepting changes

I am not very good at accepting change. I know life is nothing but constant changes but its hard! Bryan and I's life is on a new roller coaster and I am scared for it. I have always eventually accepted and loved every stage of life we have been in. When we moved to Florida and started medical school I was so nervous. I cried a lot because I did not know what to expect. I hate not knowing what to expect. But once we got here and settled in I started to love it.  


Bryan just finished his second year of medical school and studying for his first boards. This is a huge test. Afterwards he starts rotating in the hospital for the next 2 years. Instead of having a study all day husband I am going to have a gone all the time husband. Bryan studied a lot these last 2 years but he was always home and I never felt lonely because we were in the same house. Now with me working nights and him practically having a job (just doesn't get paid, well actually he is paying money to work in the hospital!), I am scared we will never see each other. This is the change I am not ready for. 


This last month I have been so emotional. I kept asking myself why am I crying all the time. Then it hit me. A huge change is coming up in my life and I always cry when that happens. I know most people would say grow up and this is not that big of a deal-people are dying of hunger in Africa. But for me this is a big deal.  However, I know it will all work out and it will not be as bad as my mind is making it to be. After the change happens I always love it. I always love the next stage of life better than the last one; after I accept it.